Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Memories, Memorials and Empathy

This morning as I was getting dressed for work I was overcome by flashbacks of the morning we buried Sofia. I remembered the black maternity dress hanging in the bathroom, the one my mom went out and bought while I was still recovering in the hospital. I remembered putting on the waterproof mascara that my sister-in-law bought for me too. Putting on the necklace that was shipped (and arrived before I came home from the hospital) that was from former coworkers/friends. (That necklace is one I wear most often - a tear drop - because I wore it the last day I ever saw our first baby girl's sweet face.) I remember being in the viewing room at the mortuary, just Tim and I, with tear-filled eyes and as I bent over to kiss her cold head the necklace tear drop (along with my own) swung down by her face.

From Gifts
Sofia has been on my mind so much this week - more than usual. The strange thing is that she's been equally on Tim's mind too. Earlier in the week he said he was remembering driving to the hospital, on the way to deliver her. That same morning on my drive in to work out of the blue I started crying and thinking about Sofia and the day we found out her heart stopped beating.

Two of my Aunts happened to read my blog post from July about guilt and both emailed me this week to talk about it. I feel like Sofia is all around; if only I could wrap my arms around her too.

In addition to Sofia, another baby gone too soon has been on my mind. Hayes, you are always thought of when I look to the sky. Prayers go out to fellow BLM Molly as she faces his two year birthday in heaven. It's hard to think two years can pass by so quickly. I'm not ready for that myself, so I am sure it is a difficult week for her too.

I also have a heavy heart because a former coworker/friend emailed me this week to say a friend of hers lost her baby boy. He only lived for three short hours. Today they buried him. Another mom facing the ultimate pain - the loss of a child. To all my fellow BLM's and other readers, please please send her your thoughts & prayers. You know she is facing a difficult road. Hopefully she will find us and find comfort in the support that we share. I know that my friend sent along my blog as a reference so if you are reading this, please know you are not alone and I am here if/when you need someone to talk to...

Wow, it has been a long week and it is only Wednesday. Looking forward to visiting Sofia tomorrow and returning her things.

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