Although I haven't blogged as frequently lately it is by no means a reflection on how I feel these days. Some things recently have upset us and we're having difficulty in dealing with those emotions. We took a trip last weekend to Chicago - we needed a getaway. We had a good time downtown and the weather wasn't as cold as it can get in the windy city so it made walking up & down the city blocks more bearable. We made a road trip out of it with Tim's cousin Bernie & Jackie. Here are a few pictures from downtown.
On the train, en route to Chicago
Just off the train - Union Station, Chicago
On steps of Union Station, Chicago
Reflections on the bean, downtown Chicago
Under the bean, that's me in the center looking up
Us holding hands, reflection on the bean, downtown Chicago
My cousin had her baby on Friday. It was a surprise - a girl. It was quite bittersweet for us. We are very happy for them but it was so hard knowing my parents were up at the hospital waiting with anticipation and experiencing a happy outcome for someone else's baby. I want so much for that to be us back in October. I held her for awhile and kept my composure - until I got in my car and drove away from the hospital and right past my baby girl's burial site. I tearfully waved as I drove past and said, "Hi Sofia, mommy loves you". I'm not sure what was harder - driving in the snowy blizzard-like conditions on the interstate or trying to see past my tears. It was nice to spend the evening with Holly and just talk.
We visited Sofia on Saturday. There was more fresh snow covering her grave and Tim shoveled a path once again. We also went over to the angel statue and saw the new stone that was put in. This was from her grandparents (Tim's parents). We love how it turned out and the coloring of the stone is great. It's nice to see her name carved in another place, another mark in this world proving her existence.
Sofia's stone is in the foreground
I think the star symbolizes she was stillborn
People say that time heals all wounds but I have yet to find this to be true. For me the aching in my heart only increases as time goes by. Saturday night we went over to Tim's parents house to celebrate his Dad's birthday. On the way home I commented to Tim about how nice it was that his nieces Lily & Lucy were so playful that night. They really seemed to be warming up to him and even sat in his lap when they tossed the ball, etc. Just as I mentioned this to him he began to cry. He realizes what he will never have with his own little girl. We cried all the way home. Life can sure be cruel.
Oh I am soo heart broken with those last words. I feel the same and the guilt is so heavy when my husband sheds tears for his missing little girl. I hope that your trip helped your grieving process and lightend your path even for a minute. Thank you for sharing the photos, very INTERESTING. :)
ReplyDelete~Felicia
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Me too. Time hasn't helped me yet either. I am proud of you for holding that baby girl. I have a niece who was due two and a half weeks after my baby, and I can't even be around her. I've seen her once for less than 10 minutes. So, good for you for at least trying even though I know it hurt. Hugs! -Molly
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