We stay busy, we venture out, we smile & sometimes laugh, but we still have an enormous void where our baby should be. The thoughts pop into my head randomly throughout every day. It might be a simple task like putting on my shoes and *BAM* I'm brought back to that day. When moments before I might have been smiling I'm suddenly crushed and ready to burst into tears.
Something strange occurred on Friday morning. While I was in the shower I noticed a strange mark on my leg. I kept trying to figure out what it was, where it could have come from but nothing made sense. It was a marking that looked like someone's hand but without the palm. I kept trying to recreate the mark on my other leg and in the place next to the mark but nothing worked. I was perplexed (and still am). I hadn't been holding my leg. Tim was at work (and hadn't been holding my leg either), and I wasn't resting my leg on anything that would have made the mark. It was simply unexplainable and it stayed there for at least an hour. I had to get dressed for work so I'm not sure how long it lasted but it was gone when I returned home yesterday. To some it might sound strange or silly but I know others out there will understand that part of me wonders if it isn't something more...
We visited Sofia today. The weather is starting to get a little warmer and tiny blades of grass are beginning to emerge from the ground but likely there will be more snow before we can officially say good-bye to winter. We decided to take home most of the Valentine's decor and put out some more Spring-like things to brighten up her spot.
My mom had been there earlier in the week and she dropped off a flag that sticks in the ground. It has a white background and a black 'S'. I was upset to find that the wind had blown it away and was nowhere to be found. We saw another baby's grave with a similar flag stand and theirs was missing too. It makes me sad thinking it might be up against a fence or being run over in a street somewhere.
About a month ago Sofia got a new "neighbor" in the row in front of her and slightly to the left. It's always sad to see the ground like that, knowing the stage of grief the baby's parents are likely in. There isn't a stone in yet (probably due to the season) but they did bring up a nice little angel statue. Here's a photo of it and you can sort of see Sofia's things in the upper right-hand corner distance.
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We brought some bright butterflies and a cross with tiny roses on it.
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We also saw a new pink rose and a little monkey stuffed animal; thank you to the person(s) who brought these.
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In the row behind Sofia's is a plot of a baby boy born last August. We saw a new note with a little stuffed animal. Wow, the father is in Iraq which means he is grieving for his son way across the globe while his wife is here without him. He can't go to his son's grave. We had a feeling of sadness come over us when we saw this. Tim had a tear on his cheek.
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Across the street there is a tall statue of Mary. We often go over and look at it as we did today. It's nice that Sofia has so many nice statues around her.
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Five months. I still can't believe it.
This is a beautiful post Lia - i love the way you guys decorate Sofia's grave. The picture of the stone for the baby whose dad is in iraq made me cry - my husband had only been out of the military for 11 months when Olivia died, and I have thought many times about how grateful I am that he was here with me instead of in Iraq (he was there twice). It makes my heart hurt for that mom - i hope she has a lot of support here, I can't imagine not being able to be with my hsuband during something like this!
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