I've spent quite a bit of time at the cemetery lately. We visited on Friday and saw the cross St. Robert's left for Sofia. It was a nice gift for them to leave us and her. When we arrived there were decorations starting to appear at graves that are normally bare, but nothing like it would end up being by the end of the holiday weekend. We were surprised to see how well the roses from the previous weekend held up. One was especially beautiful so I snapped a photo.
Cross from St. Robert Bellarmine
Rose after being 'in the elements' for a week
I went in for a haircut Sat. morning and as I was walking in the cloudy skies parted briefly and I saw the sun trying to peek out. It was one of those cool scenes where the sun rays magically shine down below. I've always loved seeing that and have often thought it to be mysterious and spiritual. I couldn't snap a photo of it but immediately thought of my friend Molly. This was a
sign from Hayes, so I let her know he was saying hello.
We spent part of the day hanging out at home in the backyard, just relaxing before heading out for a family get-together at the cabin. We haven't finished Sofia's Rose garden completely but the roses have already begun to bloom. Some of the petals had fallen to the ground so I made an 'S' out of them. As I was walking back to the house I looked down in the grass and a little 'lady' was right at my feet. I picked up the ladybug for a few minutes before going inside.
This is the "Purple Heart" rose and it is really fragrant.
On Sunday we returned to the cemetery to bring Sofia a wooden red ladybug and some new flowers. As we drove in to the cemetery we were overwhelmed by all the flowers, pinwheels & other decorations that were brought to all the graves. Tim made a half-joking comment about how everyone was 'cheating' meaning that we bring stuff to Sofia every week - her grave is always decorated - and everyone else just does it because it was a holiday. I kind of felt the same way, but more than anything it was an overwhelming sense of grief to know that many people were being missed.
As it always is, it was nice to find some gifts left for Sofia by others. There were red & white carnations from Tim's mom & dad, a red, white & blue pinwheel from my parents, an angel statue from my Great Aunt Gloria/second cousin Anne, decorative stone and bling that I believe was from my SIL, Sarah (and family). There was another cross (white with pink flowers) and I'm not sure who left it.
When we visited on Friday we saw there were a few marked places where new babies would soon be laid to rest. It's always hard to see that. On Saturday, sadly, we learned that one of those babies was the niece on my cousin's husband's side. His sister was 6 1/2 months pregnant and her baby girl died on 5/21/11. I had her in my thoughts that whole week because I knew she had some complications, but didn't learn what happened until Saturday. I know she must be hurting right now and I intend on reaching out and introducing her to the rest of the BLM's who have been so supportive for me. Her baby is only feet away from Sofia. We left her a red & white carnation.
While we were in the baby area of the cemetery I looked behind me up at the sky and I couldn't believe I was seeing another sign from Molly's son, Hayes. This time I did manage to snap a photo with my phone and send it her way. If the message gets sent through me to her, he's accomplished communicating to her, so that made me feel good. I know that he is looking down on Molly and the rest of his family and hears her thoughts everyday.
There are so many people we remember on Memorial weekend. Those who fight for our freedom, and those who we've lost and miss so greatly. We brought flowers to our loved ones and wish they were here but know that they are up in heaven, rocking our baby girl until we hold her again someday.
Here are a few photos of some of the graves we visited and notes to them as well. This does not include everyone that we miss, there are too many to mention. Love & thoughts go out to Grandpa Kriegler and everyone else not mentioned below.
Grandpa (Fred J.) Morinelli ~ I was only 8 years old when you left us. I never really got to know you as well as I would have liked to, but I was young. I do know you were a great Grandpa. I remember you sitting in your chair, eating cantaloupe. I remember being at the Italian festivals every summer. You won the raffle and I can still see your excitement as you jumped out of your chair! The prize was a beautiful porcelain doll in a lace white dress. It sat on your bed for years and now it sits in Sofia's room. The blue velvety pillow that you always had. I remembered it so well and recently Grandma gave it to me. It too sits in Sofia's room, on the recliner where I rocked her before she joined you in heaven. You two must have lots to talk about. Miss you!
Grandma (Helen) Morinelli ~ I never knew you. The Grandma Morinelli I know is still living. Grandma Lucy married Grandpa after you left. I love her always, and wish I would have also known you. I have heard stories, seen photos, and recently over Christmas held your wedding dress. I see you in the faces of your daughters, my Aunts - especially Aunt Dianne. From what everyone in the family says, you were a very loving and kind person. I sense that from your daughters, especially Aunt Donna. She has really been there for Tim & I since our loss of Sofia. I imagine you are holding her too. I hope you sing to her often. Not long ago Aunt Christine played an old record of you singing. I wish I had your beautiful voice. How special it was to hear you for the first time in my life.
Great Uncle Frank Morinelli ~ I was young when you left us too. I wish I'd have known you better, but when you're a kid you tend to do 'kid stuff'. I remember you being friendly and that you really had a presence about you. I wish I remembered more but it was so long ago. I know you are missed.
Godfather Steve Morinelli ~ You left us so suddenly. It took me a very long time to grieve from losing you. I remember so many happy times - too many to mention here. You gave the best scalp massages on earth! You played marbles with Andrea & I for hours. The batteries in your fridge-really? And nothing else except beer? Ok, that was while you lived in CO briefly, but we joked about that for years! I remember you asking me once (before I met Tim) if I planned to get married or be single all my life. I'm thankful you were still with us at our wedding. And how fitting that you, "The Godfather" dressed in your tux, played out the scene from "The Godfather" the movie at our reception. Not sure what you had stuck in your cheek but you played the part well! The best Godfather I could've asked for. What stands out the most for me about you is the undivided attention you gave every time I spoke. I don't think I've come across anyone in my life who compares in that area. I really sensed that you cared what I had to say. You let me finish without interruption, you asked me questions, and most importantly, you made me feel important. I miss having you in my life. After your funeral Judi found the note you wrote before your death. She read the part you wrote to me. It was obvious you had health concerns years prior because of what you said about hoping I had a good wedding, etc. Well you lived to see me get married but we lost you approx. 8 months later. Valentine's day has never been the same after burying you that day. Until losing our daughter, losing you was the hardest loss I had endured in my life. I hope & believe that you are up there taking your turn at watching over Sofia Rose for us. I'm sure you love her name. (Thinking back at the times you & my Dad went on & on about Sophia Loren) Introduce Sofia Rose and Sam to your three babies - Vincent, Jennifer and the miscarried baby too. I miss you and think of you often!
Vincent Morinelli ~ I never knew you, but I know from stories you were very loved. Such a tragic death, and you were so young. I'm sure you were happy to see your Dad again in heaven and I know your Mom misses & loves you very much!
Jennifer Morinelli ~ I never knew you either, and you never made it home from the hospital. Your Mom misses and loves you too. Play with Sofia, I know she'd love it. Say hello to your Dad for me too.
George Larson ~ You passed away the same year - only months before - I met your grandson. I often hear stories of all the things you did with Tim and the rest of your grandkids. I know Tim felt especially close to you since he lived with you for awhile. I would have liked to have met you but hearing the stories makes me feel like I have. I know that you are missed.
Alice Betterman ~ You left this world so soon that Tim never really got to know you. He was only a couple years old. I've seen photos of you and you were very pretty. I hear you were a good cook/baker too. I hope that you're helping look after your great-granddaughter, Sofia Rose. She's just a little girl, and could use some help finding her way around up there. I wish I could have met you but you live on through stories here on earth.
I went back to the cemetery twice again this week. It has been very windy and I'm always worried about things blowing over or away from Sofia's spot. A few things were knocked down so I fixed them up. I stopped by a few of the nearby graves and felt very sad. It's an emotional place, especially when nobody else is around and you think of all these babies... Then I walked through the whole baby section and fixed up anything that looked out of place. It's a strange sense of responsibility I guess. It's respect for them. They matter, and someone loves & misses them every day. I know that it is just the final resting place for Sofia's body, and that her spirit is all around us, but it is a place we can go to be as close to the physical part of her as we can. It tears us up inside that our baby is buried in the ground, where we are unable to reach her ever again. It's torture to think about leaving her cold & alone. But we know that she is in heaven and that all of our loved ones lost are taking good care of her for us.
I spent the weekend cleaning and putting flowers on family stones. Makes me feel so good that I am not the only who takes pictures of headstones. We still don't have a headstone for Addison, which I really hate, but I just can't sign off on it yet...like there is such a thing as a "perfect" headstone. I always love how you decorate Sofia's stone so beautifully...I may have headstone envy...what a thing to say! :)
ReplyDeleteYou did such a beautiful job decorating Sofia's grave. Memorial Day always hits me hard. I just think, "I shouldn't have to be doing this for my daughter."
ReplyDeleteYou have some beautiful flowers for your Sofia!
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