Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Every day we get the newspaper. It’s always left at the end of the driveway. Now that I’m back to work, when I get home each day I park the car in the garage then walk down the driveway to pick it up. We live in a new subdivision and since we didn’t have kids before Sofia, we didn’t have the commonality of kid-related stuff with most of the neighborhood families, so we don’t know many people yet. Only our next door neighbors know about our loss. The only reason they know is because flowers were delivered to their house while we were still in the hospital. My brother-in-law went over there to pick them up and from what he said she was shocked when he told her what happened. He said she looked like she was going to faint. They sent us a nice sympathy card and donation to the church in Sofia’s name. I haven’t spoken to them though since we’ve been home. We know the neighbors across the street and I know they and a few other neighbors saw me outside & on walks when I was pregnant. I even went to a garage sale down the street to buy baby toys and talked to that neighbor about my pregnancy, etc. I was out & about with my big baby belly all the way to 40 weeks. So when I get home each day and walk down the driveway to pick up the newspaper I have this crazy feeling like everyone is looking at me and wondering why they never see a baby being lugged in & out of the car and house. I feel like I’m “marked” or something. Clearly I have had the baby by now, but it’s still just me, Tim & the animals. I’m sure nobody even notices but in my mind I feel like they’re all looking & wondering what the deal is. I hate that. I might just call & cancel the newspaper; we hardly ever read it during the week anyway. Then I wouldn’t have to feel like that as often.