Thursday, November 4, 2010

Common Loss

Before we lost Sofia I knew that miscarriage was common but I didn't realize how many people I knew were directly impacted by some sort of pregnancy or infant loss.  I guess it's not something people just bring up but I think it's sad that it seems like a "secret" or something.  We intend on talking about Sofia forever.  It might not be every day and to everyone but we want to try & incorporate her into our daily life so that she is never forgotten.  I'm still a mother - I just don't have the proof of it and that is hard.

I know many family & friends who have lost babies to miscarriage.  Although we didn't have a miscarriage, we can still relate.  I never realized how painful it must be until now. Those were babies too and their parents had hopes & dreams for those children.  It's sad they are rarely mentioned.

We've received cards & letters from people we know who lost children to SIDS or stillbirth and we never knew it until now.  I'm glad they have shared their stories with us.  My maternal great-grandma lost a baby to stillbirth and I didn't know it until now.  Granny said back then it wasn't talked about.  From many books I've read, in the past many mothers weren't even allowed to hold their stillborn babies.  I feel so bad for those women.  We had a few hours to spend with our baby but even that wasn't enough.  I can't imagine not even being able to see my baby.

We wish we weren't part of this "club" but we are. I don't think we truly realized the pain until it happened to us.  It would have been easier to understand others' losses or we would have reached out more had we been more educated on the subject.

I hope that our family & friends understand when we talk about Sofia and do things to keep her spirit alive.  We are not delusional - we know she isn't physically here - but we have a daughter and even though she isn't visible for the world to see, she is very much a part of our lives.

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