Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

I had made it several days without crying until yesterday in the car on the way to visit family. It just hit me that our baby, Sofia, was not in the back seat. She should have been driving with us. Instead her cute little turkey hat and "my first thanksgiving" outfit stayed folded in her drawer. One more experience we had looked forward to during the pregnancy that will never happen with her. She should be here with her cousins but instead we handed out photos of her for anyone who wanted to frame them. I thought it was sweet of my 4 year old nephew Nico to ask me for one of his own for his room. I happily gave him a 4x6 but he wanted a 5x7! So cute.

We talked about Sofia while looking at her photos, and how we all had visions of what should have been. It was emotional for me and I did my best to fight the tears.

When we were hanging out with the nieces & nephew Tim showed them his pendant and the engraving of Sofia Rose. I asked them if they remembered who that was and they said "your baby". It was sweet how they said it; like they knew it was an emotional conversation. It was like they were trying to be compassionate which is so sweet coming from 4 year olds & a 7 year old! My eyes teared up.

In the midst of my sadness I also recognize all that I have to be thankful for. We have had such amazing support from family & friends. The kindness is overwhelming at times. I'm thankful for my best friend & soul mate, Tim. He always listens when I need to talk, comforts me when I need it, and keeps a positive outlook which helps me look to a brighter future. I'm thankful for my mom who has spent many afternoons with me while on leave and who even got her toes done just to make me happy. I'm thankful for my best girlfriend, Holly, for allowing me to talk freely about our loss without making me feel bad and for all the "good morning" texts she sends me. So many more individuals have been supportive in many ways and I thank you!!

Most of all, I'm thankful for the months I carried a baby and for feeling the miracle of life in my belly. I'm thankful I was able to see and hold my baby girl in my arms, if only for a little while...

1 comment:

  1. i'm so sorry you lost your sweet Sofia. i know it's hard, i lost my son at 31 weeks and although i know god is good, it still confuses me some days why it happened to me. i'll be thinking of you and your husband during the holiday season as i'm finding it to be the hardest to get through. a friend texted me the other day and said, "god's grace is sufficient." and he graciously got us through thanksgiving and it looks like he did the same for you guys. i'm trusting he'll do the same for christmas. and even if we're sad and it's hard, it's nice to know that he'll use that to heal us and to make us stronger more compassionate people. thanks for your post.