Grief

A friend of mine sent us a card and a poem entitled, "What Grieving People Want You To Know".  She lost two babies to stillbirth and understands how we feel.  I think this says it all:

What Grieving People Want You To Know

I am not strong - I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.

I will not recover - this is not a cold or the flu.  I'm grieving and that's different. I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my baby, and rather than recover I want to incorporate their life and love into the rest of my life.
That baby is a part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember them with joy and other times with sadness. Both are OK.

I don't have to accept death - yes I understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are unacceptable.

Please don't avoid me, you can't catch my grief. My world is painful and when you are afraid to call or visit or say anything, I am isolated at a time when I need most to be cared about.
If you don't know what to say, just touch my arm, or give me a hug and just say I'm sorry.

Please don't say to call if I need anything, I'll never call because I have no idea of what I need.
Please send me card on special holidays, birthdays or the anniversary of the death.
Please say their name. You can't make me cry, the tears are always there. It gives me the opportunity to shed some tears because someone cared enough to reach out to me.

Ask me more than once to join you in going out, I may say no at first, or even for a while, but please don't give up on me, because somewhere down the line I will be ready and if you've given up then I will really be alone.