Prayer

Yesterday & today have been pretty rough for me. I'm on the down slope of this emotional roller coaster, feeling pretty sad. I had a good time yesterday hanging out with Jackie & baby Cruz but later in the day I started feeling sad. I started thinking of all the cute faces and sounds I'll never hear Sofia make. That cuddly closeness that I'll never have with her. It just makes me hurt so bad. Last night I started crying and Maggie pushed her way to me, knocking Moose & Tim out of the way, so she could hop up on the couch and give me dog kisses. Then she curled up on top of me with her paw on my chest. She didn't leave my side until it was time for bed. Thank God for dogs!

I was cleaning my desk at home this morning when I came across this prayer I had been given while in the hospital. This was the first time I had read it.

Prayer for Faith in the Face of Tragedy

Lord God, every part of me aches over the loss of my child. My grief is so heavy that I cannot sleep, eat, or, at times, even cry. What will I do without the physical presence of my child? How can I survive this pain that has become my constant companion day and night? At times my deep hurt takes the form of anger--with myself, with others, and even with you. It seems so unfair that I should know the beauty and goodness of my child only to have it taken from me. I do not understand. Why did this happen?

Mary, mother of Jesus, I come to you for comfort and peace. You understand my pain, Mary. For you held the broken body of your son. He was completely innocent, in the prime of life, and certainly good and beautiful in all he did. Yet he was beaten, mocked, and crucified. You stood at the foot of the cross and felt all the feelings I am now experiencing. Help me deal with my frustration, anger, and resentment. Do not let my terrible sense of loss and deep pain destroy me. Share your faith with me that I might not lose hope in the face of this tragedy.

Above all, Mary, give me the awareness that my child lives forever with our loving God. Let me understand that my child's life is not wasted, but in some way has brought about the redemption of creation with your son, Jesus. Help me transform my pain into compassion, my fear into courage, my anger into renewed energy for goodness and beauty, and my loss into an awareness of my need for God and others. Let me take the love I have for my child and use it to engage life in all its facets. I believe that my child is still with me in spirit, that my child loves me and knows how much I love her. I believe in the resurrection of the body and know that we will be reunited, never again to be separated. Join me in my grief, Mary, and give me peace.

AMEN.